Looming on the horizon, felt as warmth upon the face of runners, hikers, and party enthusiasts before completely revealed, another dawn approaches. Change shares these characteristics with the birth of a new day; each instant of change never as the one before and just as brief a memory once the change has come to its sumation. I know not what this "sunrise" holds for me, but its warmth is undeniable.
As one runs any given distance, secluded from the distractions of the minor challenges they face in their life any given day, week, month, their mind is given a chance to wander within itself rather than interact. Having completed 20 miles in the past 3 days, my mind has created a playground for itself absent of a swing since there is no one else there to push it. I revel in my solitude as time to center myself. The warmth upon my face is one that is not as comforting as I would like as I feel this round of growth is going to pull me back into mistakes made before but necessary to move forward. I implore for more than this unsettling feeling yet receive no reply as no response is prepared yet.
Along my runs, I cannot escape the intensity from the Seli-Zavada residence as I witness my beloved roommate's torment as she receives the rude awakening that the "dawn" has brought her. Details aside, as I speak to her as she nervously scrubs the kitchen, I feel her pain as only one who has dealt with the torture of embarking upon a long distance relationship can. Danielle faces much more than I could even fathom but with the depth of her loss comes renewed commitment of love and dedication that I lacked in my own experience. Bitter I am not, envious just a tad. Their love and decisions are based in maturity and a solid foundation of trust and 2 years whereas mine was lost in immaturity and a less solid foundation. One is calculated (as much as it can be) and the other just happened. Do I regret it? Not in the slightest. Learn I did paired with growth and I hope to be there for her and the growth faced ahead.
Uncertain is the dawn, scary what a new day holds for all, but at the end of the day, we look back and thank God for it as we reflect. Sunrises are inevitable and sprawled upon the beach or at the top of a mountain to witness its majesty and mystery is a good place for us to be. For the rest of us flailing about, hitting the snooze button, ignoring the present; this uncertainty is disquieting and unsettling. During my trip to the playground this morning, I reflected upon how to share my discomfort with my closest confidantes as they are my support group that have a front row seat to see me fall and share in my pain and the quote which openned this entry is the only response that my mind consistently tossed around. Thank you for your love and support.
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